Gender is not the only rigidly defined structure that shapes our sense of self, our relationships, and our culture. Sexuality has also been constructed in a way that limits our potential for self-realization and connection to other people. In US America, patriarchy and rape culture has mandated the sexist, transphobic, and homophobic structure of heteronormativity. Heteronormativity presumes that there are only two sexes (female and male) from which only two genders are derived (girl/woman and boy/man, respectively), which results in precisely one sexuality—heterosexual—between one woman and one man. Needless to say, or not, sadly, this equation is erroneous, oppressive, and unnecessarily limited at every stage.
Monogamous partnering is the norm in US American culture, but that doesn’t mean it should be exempt from scrutiny and deconstruction. Heterosexual monogamy has created a toxic culture resulting in self doubt, jealousy, competition, and prevention the possibilities for building meaningful connections with people outside of our primary romantic relationships. Author Page Turner, whose blog focuses on topics around polyamory and non-monogamous relationships, has tackled the issue of toxic monogamy in a series of blog posts. Noting that monogamy is not inherently toxic, the ways in which we often practice it, in conjunction with toxic gender norms, rape culture, sexism, and other oppressions, has resulted in a toxic understanding of sexual relationships and romantic partnerships. There are ways we can all work to challenge and undo the norms of toxic monogamy which will result in healthier, happier relationships and understandings of ourselves.
– Brett Goldberg
Read both Turner’s original post and their recent follow-up that links toxic monogamy and the erasure of bisexual identities via Poly.Land
