Shame and misinformation, along with antiquated and toxic ideals of manhood and masculinity, feed a culture of silence surrounding men as victims of sexual violence. In a powerful and devastating personal history written for the New Yorker, acclaimed writer Junot Díaz reveals that he was raped as a child. Diaz then details years of struggles, with substances, depression, suicidal ideations, with personal relationships, with relationships and sex, and with his writing. What Díaz outlines is the all-encompassing unraveling of his life that began with his assault, and that took decades to begin to face and overcome. Diaz’s story is one that may be surprising to many people, but what should be even more shocking is how commonplace Diaz’s experience is for young boys in the United States.
In my capacity as an advocate for victim/survivors of sexual violence, I have co-facilitated several support groups for adult survivors who identify as men. Prior to my first experience with a group, I had unknowingly formed an idea in my head about the individuals with whom I was likely to work. Because of my organization’s proximity to a college campus, and being in my early/mid 30s, I assumed individuals would be my age or younger, and were likely to have been victims of a recent act of sexual violence. In multiple group experiences, I could not have been more wrong.
The majority of the men I have worked with, as an individual crisis counselor as well as a group co-facilitator, were in their 40s, 50s, or 60s, and had [first] experienced sexual violence–rape or molestation–as children. Their perpetrators were as likely to be older children as they were to be known adults. Attacks by strangers are rare, as is the case statistically with most instances of sexual violence. Asking for help, or even admitting that one is in crisis seems like an impossible obstacle to clear. Efforts like Díaz‘s shine a light on a so often hidden aspect of rape culture, which then changes the narrative around the experiences of boys growing up. As a result, adult men look back at their lives and call some of their experiences into question. It can be an incredibly painful task to remove the mask (as Díaz frames it). But after the pain comes acceptance, and then healing.
– Brett Goldberg
Read Diaz’s full story via The New Yorker.
