“Just be myself?” You should see how many selves there are in my psyche. Some of them are fucking murderers and they are trying to kill me. Like, I’m surviving them. I’m living with them, y’know?” – Jenny Slate, Stage Fright Since the age of 11, I have been in therapy eight times. Four times…
As the dumpster fire that is the year 2019 comes to a close, I want the final post of the year and decade to be one of hope, love, and joy. May the year 2020 be the start of a new era of healthy masculinities rooted in empathy, interconnection, and care for the self and…
Abuse can be difficult to see or name from the inside. If we suspect or believe someone we care about to be in an abusive relationship, confronting them about it in a way that may feel accusatory has the potential to push them closer to their abuser. The realities of domestic violence are often confusing…
I was 25 or so the first time I went to therapy as an adult. I was living in NYC, working full time, and lived with my partner of several years. The past was catching up with me in ways I did not have the capacity to handle on my own, and my partner thought…
I have never been one for New Year’s resolutions, but for the past several years I take New Year’s Eve/Day as an opportunity to recommit myself to some variation of Dan Savage’s “Campsite Principle.” Last year it read: I will strive to leave my friends, family, partners, work, coworkers, lovers, acquaintances, communities, spaces in which…
Gender is not the only rigidly defined structure that shapes our sense of self, our relationships, and our culture. Sexuality has also been constructed in a way that limits our potential for self-realization and connection to other people. In US America, patriarchy and rape culture has mandated the sexist, transphobic, and homophobic structure of heteronormativity.…
Accountability, apologies, and recognition of harm caused is at the center of the #metoo movement, and the heart of building healthy relationships and smashing rape culture and patriarchy. Unfortunately we often struggle to know what true accountability looks like (because many of us have never really experienced it, or seen it modeled), nor do we know how to offer a sincere…
I recently met a very sweet and compassionate 83-year old woman who took a great interest in my work. Despite our age and generational differences, her social and political outlook was not that different than mine. In a few instances where our thoughts were not aligned, we were able to have respectful dialogue, and I…